I never felt so down before.. so hopeless about life.. so morose.. im so sick of life..
just imagine a doctor in a hospital.. his goal is to save as many life as possible.. But one day.. the purpose has become numb.. so meaningless.. who is going to save the doctor when hes down..? im just like that doctor.. that goal has died completed..
i believe everything i do.. there is a purpose.. there is a goal.. i have lost both of them.. totally.. there is no more drive in me..? whats the point of me always helping pple around me? i always helped.. always care.. always put other before else.. but who is going to help me at this moment when im down? no one.. im completed demoralised..
i has become unhelpful.. uncaring.. heck care attitude. u die is none of my business.. selfish.. irriating.. gloomy all day long..
no one cares.. there isnt any angel left in my world.. nothing.. nothing..
i tried to fight.. i persisted.. It just takes more than anything on earth to execute this greatest enemy of mine.. living inside me..
9:55 PM LeX
Friday, August 04, 2006
Dream Philosophy
According to Nietzsche, "In the ages of the rude beginning of culture, man believed that he was discovering a second real world in dream, and here is the origin of all metaphysics. Without dreams, mankind would never have had occasion to invent such a division of the world. The parting of soul and body goes also with this way of interpreting dreams; likewise, the idea of a soul's apparitional body: whence all belief in ghosts, and apparently, too, in gods."
Dreaming are based on the idea of repressed longing -- the desires that we aren't able to express in a social setting. Dreams allow the unconscious mind to act out those unacceptable thoughts and desires. For this reason, his theory about dreams focuses primarily on sexual desires and symbolism.
Dream Recall It is said that five minutes after the end of a dream, we have forgotten 50 percent of the dream's content. Ten minutes later, we've forgotten 90 percent of its content. Why is that? We don't forget our daily actions that quickly. The fact that they are so hard to remember makes their importance seem less.
How to Improve Your Dream Recall? Go yahoo find.. too many ways.. haha..
Controlling DreamsLucid
DreamingThere is a lot of research being done in dream control, particularly in the areas of lucid dreaming and dream incubation. Lucid dreaming is a learned skill and occurs when you are dreaming, you realize you are dreaming and you are able to then control what happens in your dream -- all while you're still asleep. Being able to control your dreams would be a very cool thing to be able to do, but it is a difficult skill that usually takes special training. It is estimated that fewer than 100,000 people in the United States have the ability to have lucid dreams.
I think i am able to control too.. i think everyone is thinking they are able too.. don think too much.. haha..
Dream Incubation
Dream incubation is learning to plant a seed for a specific dream topic to occur. For example, you might go to bed repeating to yourself that you'll dream about a presentation you have coming up or a vacation you just took. Those who believe in problem solving through dreams use this technique to direct their dreams to the specific topic.
Next time when you face a big problem.. do what it mentioned above, and solve it in ur dream.. this is COOL man!
What do dreams mean?
Falling
You're falling, falling, falling... and then you wake up. This is a very common dream and is said to symbolize insecurities and anxiety. Something in your life is essentially out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Another interpretation is that you have a sense of failure about something. Maybe you're not doing well in school or at work and are afraid you're going to be fired or expelled. Again, you feel that you can't control the situation.
Being chased
The ever-popular chase dream can be extremely frightening. What it usually symbolizes is that you're running away from your problems. What that problem is depends on who is chasing you. It may be a problem at work, or it may be something about yourself that you know is destructive. For example, you may be drinking too much, and your dream may be telling you that your drinking is becoming a real problem.
Taking an exam
(or forgetting that you have one)This is another very common dream. You suddenly realize you are supposed to be taking an exam at that very moment. You might be running through the hallways and can't find the classroom. This type of dream can have several variations that have similar meanings. (Maybe your pen won't write, so you can't finish writing your answers.) What experts say this may mean is that you're being scrutinized about something or feel you're being tested -- maybe you're facing a challenge you don't think you're up to. You don't feel prepared or able to hold up to the scrutiny. It may also mean there is something you've neglected that you know needs your attention.
Flying
Many flying dreams are the result of lucid dreaming. Not all flying dreams are, however. Typically, dreaming that you are flying means you are on top of things. You are in control of the things that matter to you. Or, maybe you've just gained a new perspective on things. It may also mean you are strong willed and feel like no one and nothing can defeat you. If you are having problems maintaining your flight, someone or something may be standing in the way of you having control. If you are afraid while flying, you may have challenges that you don't feel up to.
Running,
but going nowhereThis theme can also be part of the chasing dream. You're trying to run, but either your legs won't move or you simply aren't going anywhere -- as if you were on a treadmill. According to some, this dream means you have too much on your plate. You're trying to do too many things at once and can't catch up or ever get ahead.
Your teeth falling out
Many people have dreams that they lose all of their teeth. In this dream, they may feel something strange in their mouth and then spit teeth into their hand, eventually losing all of their teeth. According to some, our teeth are related to our sense of power and our ability to communicate. Losing our teeth not only makes us embarrassed by our appearance, which hinders our communications, but it also lessens our power because we may not speak our minds. It's also associated with feelings about our appearance.
Recurring Dreams and Nightmares
Many people have the same or a similar dream many times, over either a short period of time or their lifetime. Recurring dreams usually mean there is something in your life you've not acknowledged that is causing stress of some sort. The dream repeats because you have not corrected the problem. Another theory is that people who experience recurring dreams have some sort of trauma in their past they are trying to deal with. In this case, the dreams tend to lessen with time.
Nightmares are dreams that are so distressing they usually wake us up, at least partially. Nightmares can occur at any age but are seen in children with the most frequency. Nightmares usually cause strong feelings of fear, sadness or anxiety. Their causes are varied. Some medications cause nightmares (or cause them if you discontinue the medication abruptly). Traumatic events also cause nightmares.
Treatment for recurring nightmares usually starts with interpreting what is going on in the dream and comparing that with what is happening in the person's life. Then, the person undergoes counseling to address the problems that are presumably causing the nightmare. Some sleep centers offer nightmare therapy and counseling. Another method of treating nightmares is through lucid dreaming. Through lucid dreaming, the dreamer can confront his or her attacker and, in some cases, end the nightmares.
hehe.. understand better wif your daily dreams? now slp well and dream on!! i love to dreammm! yeah!
4:59 PM LeX
Monday, July 17, 2006
Ahhhh.. siannn ah.. really whole day seeing text.. come blog also type text.. kena sai.. for those who are bored.. heres a short entertainment for u.. click here..
Felt great yesterday! Awesome! Terrific! haha.. coz i helped wanyi and her group including lynette to do her project.. i did a so so flash .. haha.. its about blood donation thingy.. if you are interested to view click here.. the rest of her classmates gave me some comments on the flash.. its funny and hilarious! haha.. at that moment i just cant stop smiling to myself.. lol..
In my life.. i really like to help pple.. as long as it can bring them smile.. laugher or even happiness.. i don expect any returns or anything from them.. In this way.. somehow i feel satisfaction in my life by helping those who need help from me.. something i feel that is meaningful to do.. Helping others is a joy to me.. =)
don say those pple who know i will help and make use of me.. just dunno how to comment on them.. anyway.. as long as its not to the very extent of help.. i wouldnt mind lending my helping hand.. haha..
Looking forward to meet my gf later.. 6hrs 31mins 20 secs more! haha.. miss ya DeaR! i help u cut ur hair hao ma..? baobei skilled one..^.^
9:18 AM LeX
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Yesterday i was extremely furious and petrified by woony's action.. he actually gonna do some cheating in our MoF project.. given the floor plan which was too big to fix in nicely in the webpage.. he suggested cutting out part of the floor plan where there were repeated row of desks.. and told us no need to tell the client abt it.. here goes..
LeX: (Calling..) Eh se bei bei.. stop surfing porn in ur smelly office.. come up and help us think how to settle the floor plan.. we are really out of ideas..
Woony: (Calling) okok.. alright.. i discontinue my porno stuff first.. i very busy one u know..
LeX: ( i wonder what type of ideas he can come out sia.. given his daily routine inside his office..)
Meanwhile.. waiting for that se bei bei..
LeX: Gosh! why he so long one..? wanking inside his office izzit.. kaoooo.. my gf waiting for me leh!!
To DeaR: sorry DeaR.. made u waited so long.. i really want to go down pei you de.. but the moment i went down.. that woony come to my room.. i got no choice.. lucky got jasmine and vanessa pei ni.. if not i would worried for ur loneliness in sch.. baobao.. DeaR DeaR.. i miss u=)
Ahem.. back to my conversation.. LOL..
After 45mins of intense waiting.. Finally!~ the God oF Porn has arrived!
Woony: sorry ah lex.. i gotta clean up myself in my room just now.. kena some kopi O on my pants..
LeX: ( as if i would believe u ah se bei bei..)
Woony: k LeX.. come.. ( at the main computer) how abt i cut out some repeated parts of the floor plan..?
LeX: Cut WHAT?
Woony: Floor plan..
LeX the What?
Woony: The floor plan..
LeX: What the?
Woony: FuCk.. stop it.. why cannot?
LeX: Gosh.. tell me how you gonna explain to the client abt cuting away a part of the floor plan..
Woony: NO NEED to SAY! they wont discover it at all..
LeX: what the fuck? u treat them as idiots..? k don mention abt the clients then.. tell me how the new staff going to navigate..? looking at the map 1 row of desk.. then go walk the real place got 4 rows? what the? they will end up losing themselves in MoF building u know?
Woony: don worry.. how would they go count how many rows of desks in the floor plan..?
LeX: (FuCk sia.. im really pissed.. even teacher also heck caring the project.. resort to cheating? somemore don tell the client what he do after that? Somehow.. my mind is telling me gotta do some justice to this society.. by turning aganist woony's idea..)
LeX: You will never know.. se hui de bai lei.. make the image bigger and act a scroll bar can already rite?
Woony: cannot ah.. like that hard to navigate the floor plan.. need to scroll there and here..
After 15mins of discussing.. i insisted on my idea.. and im glad that my team members agreed wif me.. Somehow i felt a chilled on my spine that something bad gonna happened to my grading.. perhaps he gonna mark my grade lower for not agreeing his idea.. perhaps i thought too much.. but if it was so.. and my grp members' grading was also affected.. i gonna do justice to this society again.. complain till he die..
End of Part 2! haha..
9:08 AM LeX
Monday, July 10, 2006
Pissed wif woon today man.. that woony complain and complain.. although i didnt kena anything.. but the girls in my grp kena.. holy shit the woony.. kena sai one.. eat full liao lao sai den nth better to do go catch huishan and crystal without strap.. hahah.. don think the wrong stuff.. its slippers strap.. not that kind of strappppp..! haha.. he ah.. at first joke joke smile smile.. asking why wear slippers.. here goes..
Woony: Eh! ShuI JinG! How Come you din wear any strap!?
Crystal: (checking) got la u se bei bei..!
LeX: (OMG! she go check somemore!)
Woony: Stop lying! U din wear any!.. I don care.. by hook or by crook u must go borrow from others.. if not i -8hrs from ur flexi leave..
Crystal: (sia la.. this kinda of thing how to borrow sia? he retard izzit? zzz) Okok i go borrow now..
LeX: eh se bei bei.. today morning raining la.. all the straps wet already.. no choice la.. don blame her already.. she also don wan de ma..
Woony: what wet..? don try to cover for them ah lex.. i know u are trying to help her..
LeX: where got? im saying the truth! u faggot.. cant u just let her go once..? u se bei bei.. i been noticing u from the start u keep peeping at crystal rite? u pervert.. still ask her go borrow den meanwhile u go follow her rite? i cant believe this.. i gonna do some justice to this society..
TAKE THAT! AH BiSH! He deserved it.. LOL..
This story is nonsense.. its just for entertainment.. plz don believe that it really happened..
Thats the end for woony.. haha.. stay tune for part 2!
9:22 PM LeX
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Seriously speaking.. im living happier than i were in last year.. in that sense in year 1.. i was really a moody person.. the reason was because i was a very deep thinker.. in other words im a planner.. i can plan all i can thinking as far ahead as i can.. though sometimes its gd coz i get to plan and manage my time..
However, it somehow backfired.. once a person thinks a lot.. he thinks of gd things as well as bad things.. lets say in my relationship.. i used to worry a lot for my girlfriend.. coz she is a soft hearten person and easily get bullied.. so i feared the guys buzzing around her.. thinking that she will get hurt.. sometimes i even let myself into a jealousy state which i really cant control.. all these matters coz many unhappy moments wif my gf.. its just the way how i see things and think.. Thus, i hardly happy everyday.. let even a smile.. of coz there were other factors to contributed.. money crisis and my skin situation..
now in year 2.. i am really living my life to the fullest.. heck caring every single matter and particles around me.. hhaa.. guess i really have a new way of looking on life.. every problem i encounter.. i minimized to the smallest and tackle it.. to others it seems to be like a big problem.. but to me.. its just another problem.. coz i don wan to live inside the problems..
Problems are problematic.. why let all these problematic problems come and disrupt ur way of living? im not saying try to avoid the problem.. but in a way think of a better way to tackle them.. dunno how to.. seek advices from others.. don live inside the problem urself.. you will not be able to take it one day.. most importantly.. don think so much..<---- Tip of the Day!
Look for friends.. share them ur problems.. its the best thing to do..
It's the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter. <---- Quote of the DaY!
I really love my DeaR a lot.. hopefully she will be the one i will be living with.. living with me the rest of my life.. hehe.. got see ma DeaR? i give u my words.. i will do a decent proposal! haha.. muacks si! ^.^
Gotta rush out! tml xiaohuan's birthday! gotta buy present! ahha.. still need to lackey around chinatown for bakery shop.. if not tml panic die.. no CAKE! haha.. CycLing there right now! vrooommmmmmmmm!!!
12:15 PM LeX
Profile
Name: LeX
Age: 19 Male
School: Stamford Primary School/St Gabriel Secondary School/Nanyang Poly
Birthday: 10 May 1987
Horoscope: Taurus
Location: South of Singapore
Email: poohks10@hotmail.com
