Everytime I try to fly... I fall without my wings.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Lots of things i wanna express my feelings into words.. Too hard.. Too much.. Too miserable my life is..

Right now sitting infront of my computer.. seriously.. i got nth to do.. and is finding things desperately to do to pass my precious time.. time needed to earn $.. i need $ badly.. gotta buy a lot of things.. and this few days rotting at home.. i think a lot of things..

I really don feel like going out.. but my skin is almost as disgusting as any common skin diseases.. yes.. its that bad.. i gonna get it healed.. no matter what..

All these while.. so many things happened.. quarrel wif my bro over the tuition agency.. locking myself up in a room.. suffering the skin problem myself.. i find that im really a person who always solo.. the tuition thingy supposed to do wif my bro.. end up i doing myself.. seriously.. anyone would be disappointed if her partner left the business.. i just have to say that.. its part of my life.. and i gotta move on.. hoping i can cope wif it.. but right now i isnt doing anything.. i just slacking everyday at home.. rotting..

The skin.. i just locked myself in the room.. don wan anyone to see it.. neither do my DeaR.. just don wan.. din realised that i doing the wrong thing.. DeaR say when things happen.. i always encounter the problem myself and not sharing wif her.. yup.. shes true.. im like that.. just dunno why.. but now i will share everything wif her.. so that she is not sad.. neither do i wan myself to be sad.. haiz.. talking abt now.. i really got nth to do.. typing this blog to pass my time..

Learning Piano these few days.. but my skin keep disrupting my concentration.. its so itchy.. haiz.. really pissed off.. seriously im sufforcating in this room of mine.. staying inside for more than 72hrs already.. day by day.. hr by hr.. min by min.. sec by sec.. i just let it pass.. doing nth.. wanted to cry.. wanted to shout.. wan to talk to someone but no best friend in life.. nth.. my life is just DeaR.. without her is just me.. nth more.. these few days.. just got this feeling.. im single.. like having a single life de lifestyle.. sometimes like it a lot.. but if can go out will be better..

Really feel like talking to someone.. maybe hear some stories.. but.. think of it theres no one i wanna talk to.. i prefer female friends than guy friends.. but also cannot get too close wif female friends.. later they think i jerk or what.. got gf still get so close to girls.. and also i got gf.. also must be responsible and faithful.. haiz.. actually is i auto restrict myself to girls.. izzit a gd or bad thing? i dunno.. just can't behave the way i wanna be sometimes.. wats my behavior i also dunno.. lots of dunno in my life.. im getting more and more confused wif my life.. thats bad.. why like that..

Sometimes miss DeaR a lot a lot.. sometimes don even miss her.. sometimes just wanna be alone.. be myself in my lonely world.. no girls no objects no things.. just myself.. haha.. the first smile of today.. suddenly feel that i talk a lot of crap.. lol.. maybe thats why i got a lot dunnos.. haha.. don write liao.. so retarded..

Praying to God.. Please heal me.. forgive my sins..

1:19 PM
LeX